Exploding Cans of SPAM Frighten Taliban into Surrender

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

image for Exploding Cans of SPAM Frighten Taliban into Surrender
A little swine for our terrorist friends... enjoy.

Discovering yet another "Serving Suggestion" displayed on each can of SPAM, U.S. and NATO forces have been launching non-lethal exploding cans of the pork based grilling meat against Taliban and other extremist forces.

Described as a "Brilliant low tech strategy", by Brigadier General Sammy "Shooter" McGavin, the confrontational deterrent is based on the opposition's fundamental religious fear of coming in contact with any ham or pork based substance. "The fellas simply tape a can to an existing Flash-Bang grenade and launch it into suspicious hiding places. The pork flies everywhere, and it keeps the enemy from popping their heads up as often." Small groups of opposition forces were reported to have actually surrendered rather than be exposed to packaged ham product.

"It's got something to do with their religious beliefs and whether they are allowed into heaven", McGavin said, "but who cares if it works, eh?. Hell, we'll attach cans of SPAM to everything we launch at them."

Strongly opposed by extremist terrorist fighters across the region, the SPAM grenades have been described as "chemical warfare" to the press, in the hopes of swaying opinion towards the stoppage in SPAM use. Red Cross spokesman Vinny Stickpin disagrees, "As far as we know, there aren't any injuries or lasting effects of a SPAM explosion against these forces. In fact it can last out in the open, unrefrigerated for years without ever getting toxic. It's the perfect weapon, and you can eat it too."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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