Scientists Discover Satire Site is Wormhole to Parallel Universe

Funny story written by chimera

Monday, 12 July 2004

image for Scientists Discover Satire Site is Wormhole to Parallel Universe
The first photograph of the wormhole shows a universe within a universe within a universe...

(HOUSTON, Texas) Scientists at the NASA Space Centre revealed unprecedented research today that allegedly confirms leading internet satire site as the centre of our universe and, consequently, a wormhole to other parallel universes or even 'anti-universes'. NASA scientists, tipped off by an anonymous internet surfer and demi-god called "chimera", have unearthed a virtual Pandora's Box of scientific mysteries that could potentially hold the answer to life and the purpose of our existence.

The entirety of the research is at present shrouded in secrecy, but the evidence divulged thus far is nothing more than this article for the simple reason that *this link* is itself the centre of the universe. Readers are warned that clicking the above will take you to a parallel universe.

[CAUTION: NASA scientists warn surfers that they click on the wormhole at their own risk. NASA and cannot accept any responsibility if you end up on 'htraE', or any other ‘tenalp' in the ‘yxalag', in a parallel or anti-universe. ‘Wormhole-ing' is not advised if you are pregnant or have heart problems. Do not mix with alcohol. Or drugs. Do not drink and wormhole. Do not eat drugs.]

NASA have drawn on the late Professor Anvilton's work on ‘Wormhole Theoretical Uberphysics' for a sophisticated scientific explanation of the whole shebang, citing his Hyperdextra-super-duper-cool-ology Theorem as the reason for the wormhole. Thankfully, Professor Dilbert Eggsteinsteen was on hand to put the complex bio-hezo-semi-demi-physics into simply English: "Since is zee centre ov our universe, zis link must be zee centre of, and is zerefore zee centre of zee centre of zee universe, and zee key to unlocking zee wormhole", he quipped.

Wormholes are, as yet, inexplicable and little understood phenomena. Public intrigue in their mysteries has been heightened in the last few decades by television series such as ‘Star Trek' and works by famous theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking. In fact, since the creation of Star Trek there have been over 300 registered claims to having been ‘warped' or ‘beamed' to an alternate universe from fans of the series.

First among them was comic book store owner and five-time Star Trek Olympiad gold-medalist Hubbort Quiglum.

‘Bort', a.k.a ‘The Bortinator', as he prefers to be known, alleged that he found the wormhole in his girlfriend's backside one Sunday afternoon whilst in bed. Sadly, Bort's evidence collapsed when, to everyone's surprise, he admitted that 'the Bortinator' did not have a girlfriend, only a teddy bear called Hubert Schubert. Scientists insist Hubert's ‘wormhole' could not possibly have been large enough to teleport Hubbort to an alternate universe, but this has not stopped Hubbort vehemently claiming the contrary. NASA have been quick to assert, however, that there may be some elements of truth to other ‘wormhole-ing' claims. It is now widely thought in scientific circles that Elvis Presley did not actually die but rather accidentally clicked on the very wormhole in this article some 27 years ago, never to return.

The future of is uncertain in light of NASA's revelations. Speculation is increasing that, in the same way that clicking on the wormhole in this article will teleport you to a parallel universe, those in the parallel universe could also be on the verge of clicking on a link in a parallel satire site - perhaps anti-satire site - and coming to Earth to conquer us all. Most academics agree, however, that giving this article a 5-star rating will ensure no mutant anti-humans bridge the divide between our universe and theirs, though the reason for this is little comprehended at present. Panic-clicking is not advised.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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