American astronaut Neil Armstrong has today revealed that pressure aboard his famed moon landing spacecraft has caused his skin to turn black. In a statement released today he claimed; "We weren't ready for space travel in the sixties, but Kennedy forced the program ahead of schedule without proper preparation, to look cool and appeal to young American nerds and intellectual types".
It's been revealed in studies that parts of the Apollo 11 spacecraft's inner hull were being held together with aluminium foil and that the space suit he wore was so expensive to make that Armstrong's own mother had to repair it with her sewing kit if it was damaged. Types of radiation unknown to man seeped through the slapdash craft and through the suit, later revealed by scientists, to contain shoddy stitching in parts. The radiation lay dormant in Armstrong for many years, until it was activated by a malfunctioning remote control, causing the pigmentation of his skin to darken. Armstrong was taken to an advanced NASA research and medical facility in Cape Cod to undergo a series of tests.
Even after extensive studies, there is still no clue as to the cause of his condition, dubbed "Armstrong's Disease", of which he is the only sufferer. It's also been revealed that Michael Jackson has ploughed the rest of his remaining funds into purchasing Armstrong's suit from the NASA museum and booking his seat for a round trip to the moon in the hope that it will reverse his skin condition and save his floundering career.
