Written by Wire Piddle

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

image for Medical Emergency On Jet Caused By Burst Breast Implant
Svetlana Starlight - Russian burst implant victim

Los Angeles, CA - A medical emergency was declared on an Aeroflot plane last month. On June 13th Flight SU-321, from Moscow Sheremetyevo (Russia) to Los Angeles , was given priority landing as a result of a female passenger, Svetlana Starlight, 45, becoming unconscious. The plane managed to blow six tires on landing, however the passenger was escorted off the plane and made it safely to the hospital.

The cause of Ms. Starlight's distress was a breast implant that had exploded due to the pressure differential between the silicone implant and the pressure of the jet's cabin. Doctors said that it could have turned out a lot worse than it did.

"It was just a small puncture which caused the implant to leak into the patient's chest resulting in extreme discomfort. There was a potential that it could have actually blown up, literally, which would have killed her instantly, caused explosive decompression in the plane and ultimately might have resulted in hundreds of lives lost."

"Luckily the first officer had the presence of mind to create a small incision in the breast and try to suck as much of the leakage out of the breast as possible. Quite skilful really. Almost second nature."

"The thing that concerns us most is the fact that we've got all these security systems at airports to weed out small little bottles of liquids and gels from getting into hand luggage and yet you've got these grown women with potentially lethal breasts hoping on and off jets every day. It really makes you wonder where our heads are at in this day and age."

For their part, members of the national association of commercial pilots have agreed that security considerations should be extended to breasts, particularly large ones, which have been proven statistically to harbor more implants than relatively smaller ones. There is still a heated debate going on concerning whether screening should be undertaken by airport personnel or the cabin crew themselves.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Breasts




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