UK's unluckiest investor revealed

Funny story written by NODDY

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

image for UK's unluckiest investor revealed
Whipsnade. Yesterday.

The UK's unluckiest investor has been revealed last night as Dennis Whipsnade. Starting in 1997 with a £10billion inheritance and with the help of "independent financial advisers", the Londoner has revealed that he now has £18.47 left.

Whipsnade lost hundreds of millions in the "dotcom boom and bust", so invested a large amount in Enron Corp. and A.I.G. shares, and for safety several £billions were invested with Madoff.

To cover all eventualities, the "mug punter", as the financial advisers used to secretly call him, bought Bank shares at their peak ("the only way is up", he was told), and found a nice man called Allen Stanford who would double his money in 2 years.

A good friend recommended Woolworths shares as being the next big thing. Our hero sold his house to pay his stockbroker's fees, and the residue he put into shares in LDV Vans. Whipsnade is now living in the box room at his elderly aunt's house, but has no regrets. "Although I've lost £10billion, I would do it all again", he says. "The only thing I'd do differently next time is get behind puff-ball skirts; they are going to be the next next big thing again".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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