Detroit, Michigan - In a startling turnabout today George Nigelson announced that his formerly favorite pair of "Lucky" underwear had recently let him down so he is now officially downgrading their status to "Mildly Fortunate".
While nothing really bad has happened to him while wearing the shiny red pair of satin men's briefs, according to Nigelson nothing really good has happened either.
"To me "Lucky" implies an attraction of good luck," Nigelson opined, "not just merely the absence of bad luck."
Yesterday was the last straw for Nigelson when he lost for the 32nd straight week at the Bingo Parlor after wearing the "damn things" for 32 weeks in a row. But then afterwards on the way to his car a van in the parking lot almost hit him but managed to swerve at the last minute.
"Sure it could have turned out much worse since I could have been killed and all but the general feeling of the night certainly was not best described as 'Lucky'," he lamented. "Its kind of like the feeling you get when you go out for a night on the town and no good looking girls go home with you but you do manage to give the slip to the fat homely chick that has been stalking you all night."
Nigelson did concede that he would still wear the blandly benign undergarments in certain situations such as when there are impending layoffs at the company where he works.
"Although I am disappointed that they didn't really live up to their potential that I thought they had on that exciting day when I first bought them, I still firmly believe in the old saying that nothing really bad can happen to you when you are wearing a silly red pair of underpants."