Devizes, Wilts - (Armageddinouttahere! Mess): Count on it. Mayan calendar wingnuts are in for one helluva cataclysmic shock.
The sudden appearance in a Devizes rapeseed field of a 400 foot Phoenix rising-from-the-asses crop circle has sparked widepsread hysteria about a December 21 2012 Armageddon.
But numerologists at the nearby GCHQ espionage monitoring centre reckon that's typical Mayan scaremongering poppycock.
"This Phoenix diametrically opposes the recent Jellyfish cornfield etching," spookmaster Prof V Smart commented today, "which nails jailed P2 Lodge grandmaster Licio Gelli as a Mossad stooge.
"We reckon the numbers align for a masssive Summer Solstice event this coming Father's Day weekend."
Sunday's annual solar ingress into the sign of Cancer is bolstered by a spectacular Venus/Mars conjunction that trines a Virgo-transitting Saturn followed by a spectacular new moon then opposing baleful Pluto.
Of course the cereal apparition could just as well be 'an arosnist's grim warning' about JP Morgan's latest desert banking data dump in Phoenix, Arizona...
"Smart money's on the death of Queen Elizabeth!" a GCHQ source said, authoritatively.