Smell me? New Dating Line?

Funny story written by winston_smith

Thursday, 11 December 2008

image for Smell me? New Dating Line?
Is that YOU? I thought it was the dog.

In a remarkable combination of digital technology and the mating ritual, i.e. dating, engineers at Sniffme Corp have introduced scent transmissions to matching you with the "love of your life", or not. Combining digital technology, the ability to analyze any scent and deconstruct it to it's own digital mathematical signature,and transmitting it to a receiving site and then have it recombined to the exact scent, is now reality.

"It's long been documented, whether consciously or not, that scent plays an important part in a human's development of any relationship. Our primal instincts, our olfactory equipment, is still there from our earliest ancestors. We have just masked our inherent sense of smell, with perfumes and deodorants, which ironically advertise your appeal, when if fact they hide it, smother it. Man could and can distinguish his family, food, and his mate by scent," said Sniffme Corp spokesman Frank Snuse.

"With the advent of our technology we bring the mating game to a point, click, sniff level," Snuse proclaimed.

Utilizing an unscented tissue or wipe, the user takes a swipe under their arms and then their genitals. Scanning the swatch with Sniffme Corps scent analyzer, (USB connection, MAC/PC) the scent is then coded for transmission. When prospective mates are viewed through the dating service, scents can be exchanged. One sends their scent to a small restructuring box at the receiving end, it is then output and imprinted on a tissue or swipe and then the nose decides. It can be sent by email as an attachment.

"It's remarkable in it's matching process," said Snuse.

But can you fool the nose, can scents be changed, enhanced, or in some cases deconstructed ?

"The operator has the ability to tinker the original scent, much like one can do with a digital picture in any software program. A palette of enhancers and de-enhancers are available. Add a touch of vanilla, lavender?, Click Remove that asparagus?, that flounder scent?, that jock stench? Too much anal? Click, click, click .It's all tweaking. Then you recombine and voila. But this is only delaying the inevitable, if you try to pass off a counterfeit doctored scent as your own, well eventually your discovered. Can't fool the nose"

"Eventual applications include a distillation of your particular scent to be processed to your own individual perfume," Snuse elaborated. "You may enjoy smelling, really smelling, like your favorite celebrity, or creating a mutual scent between loved ones, or even driving your pets into a frenzy, but it all stems from our collective sense of smell, and nature's early warning system. If it smells good, eat it."

Sniffme Corp is currently in negotiating stage with some of the bigger dating service and porno sites on the internet.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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