The elected "King of London", Lord Mayor Boris Johnson was today taken to one side by friend, foe and rival David Cameron.
Cameron embarrassingly had the task of telling the porker that he smells, well, stinks actually!
Cameron held a clutch of handwritten letters of resignation and duly pointed out the opening sentence in each.
"I cannot for one more minute tolerate the stench of the Mayor"
The pals, both alumni of Eton and of Oxford's Bullingdon club had a man-to-man talk about the future responsibility of appointments to the Mayor's team and have agreed to issue nose-pegs and sick-bags to all newly appointed employees.
Cameron went on by telling him,
"Boris, there is no point in you wallowing in a vicarious victimhood; and that many of us old Etonians have a deeply unattractive smell; and many of us refuse to accept personal hygiene responsibility as in washing and showering regularly
"But for the sake of the party pull your socks-up - or rather, change them"
