Tin Knickers and Traffic Lights

Funny story written by fallen wizard

Thursday, 4 September 2008


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Tin Knickers and Traffic Lights
Hit On The Green

A Manchester night club is trialling a controversial system of a clubber's availability for sex.

The system involves and requires clubber's to purchase appropriately coloured armbands on the way into the club.

It is hoped the scheme will reduce date-rape in the city.

If you are anywhere near the Piccadilly area of the city pop into "Tin Knickers":

If you happen on a person you fancy and they are wearing a green armband - it's your lucky day sailor!

If the band is amber/orange they are possibles but it may cost you an arm and a leg to find out as you will have to ply them with drinks all night - a bit risky on a small budget for a 2.00am no-no...

If you spot a red armband - stay WELL clear unless you want to share cute conversation miles from the target bedroom!

Today, we went on to the streets of Manchester to get some feedback on the scheme!

Jack (21) from Cheetham Hill said "It's f****** cool man, you don't have to fill the bird up with ale anymore, you just hit on the green bander's at 2.00am"

A Liberal Arts student from Didsbury said "Well I think it's a very discriminating policy, it's forcing people to label themselves and what about blind people?"

Penelope (55) from Ladybarn said "Oh, I think It's a splendid idea, for the first 3 hours I usually wear the green band, but switch to red 10 minutes before closing"

The policy however has already seen one casualty land in hospital. Dick Head from Moss Side snuck in at 4.00am , crept into bed beside his wife and fell asleep with his green armband on. Upon waking his missus caught sight of the green band went to the backyard picked up a spade and flattened his testicles with it.

He woke up 3 days later in a hospital bed wondering what the f*** happened - He can now communicate with bats...

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more