World-famous Scottish actor Sir Sean Connery is to visit the Edinburgh book festival this year.
He will attempt to find out exactly where Scotland is with the help of 2 guides and a host of aerial navigation equipment. From his home in Spain, the team will try and spot the country of his birth, if he can remember which continent it's on, and after that it will be relatively easy, as there are only 4 cities in Scotland, and even a Martian could eventually find Edinburgh there.
This will be the first time that the James Bond actor will return since 1942, and he is widely expected to be completely ignored by unimpressed locals, and some were even saying 'Sean who?' But of course a few American tourists will think that being a famous Scot will make him adored by the public in his own country, when he's about as adored as a punch-up on a Friday night in a Glasgow bar
Speaking from Marbella, Sir Sean said :'I think I remember where Edinburgh is, isn't it near Dalkeith?' And his agent, Antonio Bandileggieras, said :'We will start out early and head for London - then we'll just keep going north, bound to end up in Scotland at some point, or at least in Cumbria.'
North Americans have long been baffled by the British disinterest in stars, and even Madonna stopped hanging around London when nobody even noticed she was living there. And Edinburgh resident, and best-selling writer, Joanna (J K) Rowling said :'I've met that morose git Connery a few times, if his book's as miserable as he is it'll be going straight into the bargain basement! OK, off to sunbath in Princes Street Gardens now - and with no bodyguards, Miss Ciccone!'
Sir Sean has long been seen as a figurehead for Scotland, expect by any Scots, of course, although the James Bond creator, Ian Fleming, was half-English, as is Bond, but any old excuse to con loads of gullible tourists is never passed up by the canny citizens of Edinburgh.
Marbella is warm today.
