Written by K.C. Bell

Friday, 2 May 2008

image for Hillary Clinton To Pardon Wesley Snipes
We want your vote!

Agreeing with Whoopi Goldberg that Wesley Snipes was prosecuted for tax evasion by the evil Bush administration just to set an example, Hillary Clinton announced that she would pardon the action actor in return for the black vote in the North Carolina and Indiana primary. Barack Obama offered the same pardon and raised it by giving Wesley Snipes the role of Obama in his upcoming film biography, An Inconvenient Win.

Chelsea Clinton promised to marry a blue collar worker after her mother's inauguration in return for the blue collar vote in both states. Asked by a reporter how she would select her betrothed, Chelsea caustically replied that it was none his business. However, Mrs. Clinton's social secretary announced there would be a raffle on the first Friday night after bingo following the election.

Raising the stakes again, this time for the blue collar vote, Barack Obama promised to take up bowling in the White House bowling alley, shotgun practice from the Oval Office, brew beer in the basement and leave car parts scattered across the White House lawn.

With both the black and blue vote sewn up by Hillary and Chelsea, the future First Gentleman, former President Bill Clinton, announced that if all the super delegates switched to Hillary now, each could spend a week in the White House using the Lincoln bedroom and fly anywhere in the world on Air Force One.

Michelle Obama made the same offer and threw in Wesley Snipes for whatever. Bill raised that by promising robes and slippers with the White House crest, and a complete set of Nancy Reagan White House china. Michelle matched and raised that by offering signed copies of Changing Plains by K. C. Bell (available at amazon.com). Unable to top that, Bill quit, throwing in the towel. Presumably with a White House crest?

With Senator John McCain already the Republican candidate, there was very little that he had to promise in return for votes in the November general election except for the continuation of the war in Iraq and four more years of the Bush policy.

Sort of echoes like another four years in the Hanoi Hilton...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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