Written by SivartM

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

A new study done by some research team shows that air may not be as important for your health as you may think. This study challenges such claims as "You should breathe 3,000 gallons of air every day" and "Pure air is better".

The team, headed by somebody you don't know, published the results in some magazine or something.

To see whether or not breathing 3,000 gallons a day is necessary, they put a mouse in an isolated room and measured its breathing. Sure enough, it didn't breathe nearly 3,000 gallons in one day. "It simply isn't necessary to breathe that much excess air," they said in their report.

To find out if pure air is better, they took two identical twins and put one in a room with pure air and one in a room with 94% percent air and 6% rocks. Neither twin, even the one in the room without 100% pure air, reported any health problems.

Some other scientists were skeptical of the accuracy of the results. "Mice? Of course they don't breathe as much air as we do! They're tiny!" commented second-grade science student Matthew Chalmers. "And we don't breathe rocks!"

The research team is shocked that anyone could refuse to accept the clear facts of science. "We followed the scientific method, and took all possible measures to preserve the integrity of our results, and a bunch of little kids have the gall to oppose science? We have college degrees and you don't, so don't try to tell us the so-called 'obvious'."

Grown-up scientists with college degrees were not available for comment because they were mysteriously stricken by a sudden bout of laughter.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Research, breathing, air




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
77 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more