Cure for everything discovered; banned

Funny story written by NickFun

Saturday, 11 August 2007

image for Cure for everything discovered; banned
Gibbons cure was also smokeable

A US Appeals court sided with several major pharmaceutical manufacturers and the US FDA today in denying a Kentucky man the right to patent or market a product he claims will cure most illnesses, including Aids, heart disease and cancer with no negative side effects.

"The product does cure diseases but it gives the user a mellow, euphoric feeling, much like heroin or opium", argued the FDA in court. "The US Government spends hundreds of billions of dollars every year to prevent people from feeling like that. If we allow Mr. Gibbons to market his product we might as well allow such evil drugs as Marijuana and Ecstasy. If he can prove that the drug can be manufactured without the 'feel good' effect we might reconsider".

Glaxo Smith Kline praised the Appeals Court decision. "We can't have people like Gibbons coming out with inexpensive cures that are in conflict with our very expensive life-long treatments".

Gibbons argued that his product would cure illness, reverse aging, promote healing, eradicate skin diseases and even change brain chemistry thus enhancing mental health.

Gibbons claimed after the verdict that he was going to continue his research overseas.

Ironically, as Gibbons was leaving the courthouse, he was accidentally run over and killed by an unnamed Glaxo Smith Kline employee.

In a related development, Gibbons lab and all his data and patent applications were destroyed in a tragic fire. Patent attorneys were unable to locate any copies of the patents.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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