Contrary to a tall story last month on The Spoof that a Mongolian relative of Genghis Khan was the tallest man in the world, a Ukranian man has now been officially recognised as the new tallest man in the world.
Leonyd Stadnyk, which means "long streak of piss" in Ukranian, stands 2.57m (8ft 5in) tall, which dwarfs the previous owner of the title Bao Xishun by a staggering 19cm.
Stadnyk, 37, from Podolyantsi in central Ukraine, is a vet, and resembles a giraffe. In his spare time, he likes to help local villagers pick fruit from the tops of trees, and also assists schoolboys when conkers are in season.
Mr Stadnyk was not always tall. Until he was 23 he was of normal height but, after a brush with the ruling Russian forces fourteen years ago, he grew to his astonishing present length.
The Russians suspected the animal doctor of trading secrets with US vets, and subjected him to sessions on "a rack" for hours on end. Unable to extract any information from him, they released him after three years, and three extra feet.
Mr Stadnyk says that he is happy amongst the animals at the surgery, and, although he has no social life or girlfriend, he claims to have everything he needs with his four-legged friends.
Police captain Igor Shortarse addressed that problem when he said:
"We are looking carefully into the nocturnal animal activities of that creepy giant."