'The Juice' Can't Get a Break

Funny story written by SpaceElevator

Friday, 10 August 2007

image for 'The Juice' Can't Get a Break
All proceeds will go to the Goldman family

LOS ANGELES - A Los Angeles superior court judge has ordered that any money O. J. Simpson earns from the sale of his new 'The Juice' orange juice dispenser must go directly to the family of the late Ronald Goldman. Simpson, who partnered with Ronco founder Ron Popeil on the idea, came up with the invention recently while vacationing in the Bahamas.

According to the judge any earnings from the celebrity's likeness must be turned over to Goldman's father, Fred, as part of the wrongful death judgment that Simpson has yet to pay.

Simpson, who currently resides in Miami, was previously acquitted of murder in the 1994 killings of his ex-wife and Ron Goldman but was found responsible for their deaths in civil court. He still owes Goldman's family $38 million as part of that judgement.

'The Juice' orange juice dispenser is currently being sold on the Home Shopping Network for $29.99. The ceramic piece bears a minor resemblance to Simpson and features two varieties of juice: pulp and no-pulp.

Simpson's attorney immediately suggested that his client will consider renaming the product 'The Juicer' after baseball player Barry Bonds in order to keep 100% of the profits.

(Source: Farce Impressions / an online companion to the Michigan Law Review)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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