London - (Ass Press): 'Talking' CCTV cameras outside the entrance to Downing Street will reprimand anybody entering the hallowed seat of government who may have rebelled in a Parliamentary vote, given unfavorable press interviews, shown anti-social behaviour or generally failed to be 'on message' during the final days of the Blair dictatorship.
The news was announced today in a campaign to spearhead the Blair legacy as a positive and united front against the enemies of democracy.
The technlogy is already in use in arsehole UK towns such as Middlesbrough "where people seen misbehaving can be told to stop via a loudspeaker, controlled by control centre staff" according to reliable sources.
On a preview run the UK media was given a tantalising glimpse of what the Whitehall spy cameras might actually say to any miscreants sullying the image of the nation's leader:
"Ya filthy tosser, y'aint EVER gonna be Prime Minister on my watch so bugger off ta Scotland and get a life".
This message is automatic when cameras recognise Gordon Brown's car number plate and can be calibrated to a full Glaswegian accent to up the drama as and when required.
The brain behind the move, Home Secretary John Reid said today that "the vast majority of people find that their life is more upset by people who make their life a misery in the inner cities.
"This is because they can't go out and feel safe and secure in a healthy, clean environment because of certain Scottish gits trying to hog the limelight.
"The talking cameras do not constitute any kind of secret surveillance", he cotinued, "and they are very public and interactive."
According to UK news sources, the government's "respect tsar", Louise Casey, said the cameras "nipped any problems in the bud":
"It will get our message across of 'please don't screw up the PM's image' while you still have some serious problems to address such as lack of charisma, a fat stupid wife, two ugly children and a wart on your nose."
Gordon Brown is 54.
