Double-Speak App for the Whole Horrifying Truth

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Sunday, 20 November 2022

image for Double-Speak App for the Whole Horrifying Truth
Doublespeak is Good For You/Uoy Rof Doog Si Kaepselbuod ... Make Sense?

Silicon Valley computer geeks have created a new app that is capable of determining Republican lies.

The Double-Speak is an app for your phone that, when held up to the words of anyone, especially a Republican, will tell you what they are really trying to say.

When they say they want to fight for all Americans, the app will translate: “I love all Americans who believe what I believe and look like me and think like me and believe that Jesus Christ will come back to kill everyone whom I don’t like.”

When a person accuses others of being devil worshippers and pizza parlour pedophiles, the app will translate: “I am a MAGA supporter who loves Donald Trump who loved Jeffery Epstein and we all know who he loved, and I support all of that shit too.”

When you hold it up to someone who says “The Dems are crooked and Hunter’s laptop is hiding something”, the app will translate: “What was found at Mar-A-Lago is worse than anything you’ll ever find on any laptop – things that can take down the entire country, not just one man”.

WOW! Who wouldn’t want an app that can actually detect the truth in the lie? Naturally, politicians of all stripes are trying to pass laws to prevent this app from hitting too many phones. The truth is something people want from others, but never from themselves.

The other name for the app that was bandied around was the “Assange App”.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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