After his surprise discovery that the United Kingdom was an island nation with a busy sea port at Dover, Matt Hancock has now discovered that the Isle of Wight is also an island, but still part of the UK.
“To be honest,” he said, “I had confused it with the Isle of Dogs.”
He had come to the startling discovery after questioning the wisdom of holding trials of the track and trace app on the Isle of Wight when anybody could come and go using the extensive road network.
“Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the Isle of Wight Ferry is not Bryan’s strangely-named grandson.”
Ministers have since ordered a large map for Hancock’s office, clearly showing what is, and isn’t an island.
“I won’t be caught out again,” said the inept minister for Health. “I know now that Northern Ireland is not an island, even though it sounds like it is. Whoever named these places needs shooting. People will be telling me women are allowed on the Isle of Man next.”