I’m old school. I print off resumes and walk them in the front door of where I want a job.
But I jest kint git no jobs!
HR Interviewers ask me these bizarre questions:
“What’s your Twitter/Instagram/Facebook?”
I reply: I’m looking for a job as a janitor.
“Do you have your own Youtube Channel? What’s it about? What are your long-range goals to expand your channel into foreign markets?”
I’ll take a job cutting your lawn, I don’t care.
“Are you an influencer? Do you have at least 100K followers on any social media platform? How would you promote yourself like a whore to get more followers, maybe even a million?”
I ain’t no whore for no one.
“Have you branched out your brand into NFTs, and if not, are you willing to do so? And what is your current crypto currency of choice? Done any airdrops lately?”
I kin drive a tractor or a taxi cab, if I’s got to.
“Where’s your phone? Don’t tell me you don’t have a phone! What apps do you have? Do you have your full vaccination passport on your phone with the government-approved app?”
I gots a phone at home sitting on my stack of “Big Cheesecake Asses” monthly.
“What are your pronouns? How do you identify yourself? Can you prove you’re not a robot? If we need you to re-locate, are you willing to do so at your expense, and would you consider a prolonged stay of several years in a country that has few equal rights for anyone but the elite?”
Which way’s the bus station?
I left. Still can’t no job in this world.
