Scientists at the Institute for Beard Sciences have found a bizarre new discovery about the Chechen beard. Apparently, when a Chechen wears a beard, the strands of hair soak intelligence from the man’s brain in order to make the hair thicker and tougher.
This may easily explain why Vlad Putin’s “attack dog”, Ramzan Kadyrov, has suggested to his master (yes, very much a dog) to use some kind of lesser nuclear weapons on Ukraine, since Russia is losing. The annexation of those Ukrainian pieces of real estate is a feeble attempt at Putin to play the “big man on campus”, since, like Hitler, annexing another country’s land is just the beginning to a mad man declaring war – though he won’t say he started it, a narcissist always blames others for his warts.
Then what does Putin have that makes him insane, since he is usually clean-shaven? Some experts have posited the belief that Putin has syphilis, which can turn a man mad, which he likely got from one of his many 15-year-old gymnast concubines.
So what’s worse, a beard that drains IQ points from your brain to stick them on your chin, or a disease that makes you crazy enough to think seriously about blowing up the world?
These two are not declared terrorists. And yet the West has spent so much time and money on ISIS and Boko Haram and other upstart tough guys … why not invest in an intensive shaving regimen?
Straight razors for all Chechens … they can decide what to do with them.
