Learn UNIX in 20 minutes

Funny story written by Moose&Squirell

Sunday, 4 March 2007

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HELL 9000: Latest robotic technology for prostate surgery & penis removal

BANGCOCK, THIGHLAND-(RUBERZ) "Operating UNIX is now so simple to use it can be learnt in 20 minutes.", brags Laparoscopic radical prostatectomy expert, Dr. Dick Shaftless, who has published research and operation technical manuals relating to LAZAR prostate cancer surgery for the last 20 years. The HELL 9000, programmed with the "UNIX-NODIX" software is a minimally invasive prostate cancer/wiener extracting surgical computer that profoundly reduces bleeding, pain, and recovery time.

The Hell 9000, who surgeons affectionately call "The Ripper", communicates verbally. "Wazzup Doc!, how zit hangin !", in a heartbeat the arms extend with all cutting apparatus switched on and razor-sharp blades whirring at 9000 RPM's hovering an uncomfortable quarter-inch from my own crown jewels. "Heal boy, heal!" shouts a startled Dr. Shaftless. The arms immediately shut off & retreat to a comfortable distance, leaving me soaked in a nervous sweat.

Experimental surgery using various copulatory organs in males of lower animals, bought at a discount from local grave robbers & knife-wielding crack whores, have kept initial research budgets at a bare minimum.

Bangkok Hospital recently demonstrated surgery using the latest surgical system's camera arm & tools inserted into the body through a small incision at the tip of the pecker. These have a range of tools from scissors, vibrators, hands, scalpels & the patented Ron Popeil Veg-O-Matic, all with a full six degrees of movement for work or pleasure.

With 3-D reality surgery, the view of the patient will be augmented by MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) scans so that doctors can see in real time what is diseased-rotted & maggot-filled opposed to healthy. With virtual reality, you can also practice via a computer simulation, which will feel like you are performing a real operation, minus the malpractice lawsuit.

Future wanker-yanking virtual reality surgery will increase the eunuch slave trade industry, which is so popular in southeast Asia.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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