Heatwave causing new pandemic of 'Red-Hot-Rear-End-Rawness!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Sunday, 9 August 2020

image for Heatwave causing new pandemic of 'Red-Hot-Rear-End-Rawness!
Having pooping problems in the heatwave? Just follow Jaggedone's guidelines to a avoid a Raw-Red-Hot-Rear-End!

(UNEDITED) The human race has enough to contend with avoiding idiots who refuse to keep their distances believing they are immune to Covid 19. However, a new pandemic is sweeping Europe triggered by a heatwave!

Sweaty underpants, itchy bums, sand between the crutch, a general lack of cool air entering areas normally preserved for privacy and, only exposed to the underside of bog rims, is causing much discomfort due to the extreme heat!

Jaggedone, sent his star medical CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) reporter, Dr Anus Kill-Dare, older members will recollect that name from an ancient US soap, to a medical center in Brighton, UK, to found out how having a red-hot-raw-rear-end is effecting beach bums and their problems passing waste.

Here his findings after interviewing an over-worked, knackered nurse, wearing PPE gear enduring the not so pleasant job of soothing red-hot-raw-rear-ends.

"Well Dr Anus, my advice is to avoid pizzas, junk, or doughy foods, eat plenty of Indian cuisine, which flows rapidly through the intestines and, drink plenty of water, not beer! When people's 'red-rings' start turning 'red-hot', apply a zinc creme or, baby's bum cream, this will help in easing the pain. In addition, cool the red-hot-raw-rear-end down with cold water or ice cubes, but wash your hands first and after! Do not consume red-hot-chili-peppers, but listening to them is not a problem. Farting should be avoided, but if people need to, expect a hot burst just like sitting on a bunsen burner; shit hot in other words!"

"The Rear-End-Red-Hot-Rawness pandemic will pass as soon as the heatwave returns to the Sahara. Until then, people will just have to avoid their 'shit hitting the fan' and try to listen to Johnny Cash's, 'Ring of Fire', for some soothing, country-bum-p-kin consolation!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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