Written by Jaggedone

Saturday, 21 April 2018

image for "Flocks of Belgian seagulls" given birth control pills!
Belgian seagulls bombarding Brit tourists will soon be a thing of the past, but not because of Brexit!

Belgians, normally regarded as quite level-headed, sensible Europeans, have broken that myth by feeding their seagulls contraceptive pills!

Seagulls, quite renowned for their productive, and multiplication qualities, have been recently over-doing it according to, Hans Von-Knokke, renowned Belgian bird watcher, feathered, and non-feathered species, whilst they lie half naked on Belgian beaches when the sun comes out (a rare event in Belgium!).

Hans Von-Knokke has been observing seagulls swooping and diving at tourists visiting the famous seaside resort named after him, or before him, and has come to the quite disturbing conclusion, that the ferocious gulls are attacking tourists, nicking their Belgian fries, raw fish delicacies, and nipping at fabulous Belgian beers on offer on the promenade!

He told the Knokke council of his findings and suggested giving the 'Flocks of Seagulls' (without poncy hairdos) contraceptive pills to stop their multiplication habits and, the vicious attacks on tourists!

The Knokke mayor agreed and, also offered young couples, copulating in public, on his beaches the same cure, because sex on Belgian beaches is also forbidden, not like Dutch beaches where anything goes!

British tourists escaping the UK heatwave and hopping across the channel are shocked at seeing seagulls gobbling up the pills and young couples 'bonking' on the beaches! In the UK seagulls only attack illegal immigrants and bonking on Southend's beach is too uncomfortable because a pebble up the rear end or stuck under the foreskin would be unacceptable in the UK.

"Thank the heavens we voted for Brexit!" Brit tourists claimed whilst enjoying the rare Belgian sunshine and fantastic Belgian brews.

Southend's mayor is observing the reactions of 'nullified Belgian seagulls' and hopes that could never happen on UK beaches, because any form of getting rid of unwanted illegals is better than a bird-brained, restrictive fertility EU policy!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
44 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more