Cardinal Searches For Condoms At 7-11's

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Cardinal Searches For Condoms At 7-11's
CARDINAL DRIVES ALL OVER NEW YORK

Sunday, On National Television, Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York said, "Contraceptives, that are now widely available -- my Lord, all you have to do is walk into a 7-11 or any shop on any street in America and have access to them -- is that right to access those and have them paid for, is that such a towering good that it would suffocate the rights of conscience?"

But MSNBC TV commentator Rachael Maddow disagreed about their easy availability.

Said Maddow, "While 7-Eleven has a lot of what you need on any given day -- beer, Slurpees, taquitos -- do yourself the favor of not walking into your local 7-Eleven and asking them to fit you with an IUD, and if you do know somebody who says they get their birth control pills from 7-Eleven, that probably explains why they have super fresh breath but also elevendy-hundred children."

In order to gain evidence to respond, the Cardinal ordered his limousine to drive all over New York City to find a 7-11 that carried contraceptives. After a futile search of 15 stores his Eminence gave up and returned to his residence losing his usual smug, self-satisfied expression.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more