Written by Aspartame Boy

Wednesday, 3 January 2018

image for Super quantum computer now available to the public
This cat died

Cambridge MA - MIT scientist Jean Hiver held a press conference today under the Great Dome of MIT to announce to the world a modular quantum computer easily expandable to n qubits as n approaches infinity.

Unlike previous inorganic architectural approaches to qubits, the elements of quantum computers that can simultaneously assume multiple states to compute all possible answers simultaneously, Hiver's quantum computers use living qubits.

Schrödinger's cats are employed in the new device. To see how this is possible, Hiver refers to Wikipedia:

Schrödinger's cat is a thought experiment, sometimes described as a paradox, devised by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935. It illustrates what he saw as the problem of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics applied to everyday objects.

Basically it means you can stuff a cat into a soundproof box into which you cannot see.

Then you don't know if the cat is alive sometime later.

You assign answers to the condition of the Cat. If the cat survives, the answer is zero. If it dies it's one. Or whatever you want it to mean. It doesn't matter.

Hiver's main contribution is using two cats per box. This speeds up the dying process enormously.

Hiver has tested 100 cubit computers using 200 cats with results so positive he has offered the plans for sale to the public. The SPCA is supplying cats for his testing. A recent innovation: feeding the cats aspartame sweetened coffee accelerated the computations.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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