Despite being encouraged to feel good about his essential role in the makeup of matter, an electron named Eli admitted to being a bit negative. “I really admire my comrade protons who have such a positive attitude,” said Eli. “And I greatly respe…
A text book about Quantum Mechanics that one man pulled off a library shelf because he'd always fancied learning about what Quantum Mechanics really were, probably made him wish he hadn't bothered when he discovered that the subject was rather too ba...
Cambridge MA - MIT scientist Jean Hiver held a press conference today under the Great Dome of MIT to announce to the world a modular quantum computer easily expandable to n qubits as n approaches infinity. Unlike previous inorganic architectural a...
Scientists deep in the Amazon have discovered Schrödingers Cat was not actually dual locality capable through quantum coalescence for instantaneous bi-location, but was in fact, just very confused and this was a natural outcome of everyone putting th...
The Chuck Norris Quantum Theory of the Universe. The theory that has rattled scientists and left a big hole in my sandwich. The Chuck Norris Quantum Theory of the Universe states that if one was to combine Walker, Texas Ranger and the Delta Force, a quantum hole in time in space will appear, and Chuck Norris will suddenly wage a war against Mankind. Sounds scary doesn't it. This theory surfa...
The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reports. Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but photos NASA received shortly before he...
CERN Scientists are red-faced today when it was revealed that the bumps in the data of the two colliders that were thought to be the Higgs Boson turned out to be somebody dropping a cup of coffee in the analysis lab above the particle accelerator.
Dateline Bern, Switzerland, day after tomorrow: Quantum researchers exploring the bizarre world of "string theory", "quantum entanglements", "replicating clothes hangers" , "single socks" and other unexplained phenomenon which A.Einstein will one day...
The so-called Large Hadron Collider, buried deep underground somewhere in Switzerland finally proved its worth yesterday when at 4.21 pm in the afternoon (GMT) it collided with a large hadron. A loud cheer rang through the echoing caverns - this w...
Price the mega boobed serial wedder has now turned her tiny mind towards quantum mechanics by trying to explain the famous string theory. At a book signing event yesterday she noticed a guy clutching a book called 'String Theory Explained - Steven...
It's long been considered gospel among scientists that God has no role in the measurement and description of phenomena, but a discovery by a cosmologist and his quantum mechanics at the University of Göthersleben has changed that forever. 'We were...
PALO ALTO, CA (SFO) - When university researchers set out to create the world's smallest image of Rob Pattinson, they ended up setting a record for the smallest image ever, said an assistant professor of physics for the university who directed the wo...
Despite the excitement being generated in some quarters by the Large Hadron Collider, the Internationaler Symposion Von Quantum Physic which took place in nearby Geneva this week declared in a statement to the press "Bugger quantum theory. Bugger it.
MOSCOW - Secret scientist source, Dr. Beardskyichobich reports that life as we knew it ended on Earth one year ago when scientists here created a strange particle. Using a trillion trillion trillion electron mega volts, (obtained by stringing Chine...
Langley, Virginia - In recently declassified documents, obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, a dark chapter in America's nuclear history has been revealed. In the famous experiment of Dr. Erwin Schrodinger, he proposed a theory to help...
Boffins at the Schmitt Institute, Berlin announced that they have broken the Unbreakable Quantum Cryptography system set up by rival educational institution, the Schmitt Academy, also Berlin. "After analysing the output from their 200 kilometre fi...
According to Britney Spears' agent in Hollywood, the starlet has decided to give up acting and performing for other academic pursuits.
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