WASHINGTON, D.C. - Late last week, In a radical move to assist the Western U.S. in drought alleviation, the federal government issued solicitation for bids for attracting rain and snow clouds.
Keenan Rodriguez, a spokesman for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, issued an emphatic invitation to anyone who could bring Nimbostratus and Cumulonimbus clouds to the drought stricken areas of the West, particularly California.
"We are appealing to all public and private researchers who may have discovered new ways to promote the development and/or presence of Nimbostratus and Cumulonimbus clouds in order to produce significant rainfall and snowfall. We are also issuing an invitation to Native American tribes who may have rain production techniques associated with their culture and religion."
The invitation for bids concluded with a surprise.
"For that individual or group whose technique is most successful in producing rain and snow clouds, we will issue a check for $120,000,000!" exclaimed Rodriguez. "We are desperate, folks. We need all inventors, scientists, tinkerers, math and science students, and creative out-of-the box thinkers to take this invitation seriously. It is not only for your own benefit and profit, it is also for the continuance of the West as we currently know it. Without water the West will shrivel up and die. We are counting on you!"
The latest reports coming from M.I.T. in Massachusetts and CalTech in Pasadena, two instituations who are involved in a joint project, is that all other current research projects have been suspended, so that the brilliant scientific and mathematical minds could focus their energies on the "Nimbo" project.
Dr. Jennifer Waterston of M.I.T. reports, "We are also involving great minds, like Stephen Hawking, in developing a more complex theory of attracting Nimbostratus and Cumulonimbus clouds. From that theory we will develop the techniques necessary to bring heavy rain and snowfall in the Western U.S.. As as back-up, we are also conferring with Chief White Cloud of the Pueblo Indian Tribe, as they have a very intricate rain dance passed down through generations."