Rock-a-bye Baby? There's an app for that

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

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Home James Apps have departed from their usual GPS based appelets to produce what will undoubtedly become the fastest selling app of all time: iBabysitter.

"This shows what Home James Apps can do when they move out of the GPS market and into lifestyle apps," said App World! editor, Mac Buck. "It's the complete package. We've got another six months to wait before we can trial it with Daphne's baby after she tried out the erectile dysfunction app. However a bit of research has shown that there are quite a lot of babies around already. And every single one of them needs this app."

"It's a child safety issue," said applelet designer, Ellie James. "As a parent myself I realised that there was a gap in the app market for parents of new born children."

According to James, the new app has a constantly running video feed from one iPhone to another, allowing worried parents keep an eye on their little darlings. Additionally, the app uses motion detection and should the baby look like it will wake up, immediately starts to play a soothing lullaby.

"We employed a child psychologist composer to come up with the perfect sleepy tune," said James. "It works so well that we've had to put a warning on the app to not use the lullaby facility in the car. Tests have shown it can send the driver to sleep. Although, in my experience it's not the lullaby sending parents to sleep, it's the lack of sleep sending parents to sleep!"

Conversely, worried parents will be alerted if their child displays a complete lack of movement. Something many parents are worried about due to scaremongering in the media. There is a nightlight, which causes the screen to glow faintly all through the night and an intercom for parents to whisper to their child.

"If I had children," said Buck. "I'd have this app. I've given it five stars out of five because I think that this is a must have app."

"I wrote it primarily for myself," admitted Ellie. "Which is how I can be so reassured while sitting on Venice Beach while my baby is snoring soundly in Austin, Texas."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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