Written by Jack Goff

Sunday, 5 February 2012

image for Russia Announces New Mentos And Soft Drink Powered Flight To The Moon
Prime Minister Of Russia

Russia has just announced their plans to step foot on the moon before the end of the decade. Vladimir Putin, Russia's Prime Minister said today to parliament and many representative news agencies from other countries, "Russia will be the second country on this planet to set foot on the moon". Prime Minister Putin continued by using a word for word quote from John F. Kennedy's 1962 speech, "We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too."

Putin, has received a lot of criticism over Russia's policy to travel to the moon. Many Russian economists and parliament members have publicly spoken out against this claiming that the financial cost is far to great to just come in a late second to the Americas who already accomplished the goal of putting a man on the moon nearly 43 years ago.

Vladimir Putin's senior science advisor explained, "Although we will not be the first country to put a man on the moon, we will be the first to accomplish this without the creation of a single greenhouse gas during the launch process." Putin's science advisor continued by saying, "We are currently in the beginning stages of testing our new earth friendly rocket propulsion systems. They seem very promising at this early stages."

Many climate change awareness groups such as Greenpeace, Friends of The Earth, and Global Atmosphere Watch have come out in support for Russia's new rocket propulsion design over the past few weeks. They have done this even though the details of this new system have only today been made public.

A spokesman for SMLP (Soviet Moonshot Luna Programme), Russia's version of America's NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration), explained to a room of propulsion experts the theoretical science behind this new rocket system. SMLP spokesman stated, "This new system is a joint venture between a well known Netherlands company named Mentos and Russia's own Baikal, which is a soft drink producer that manufactures a drink similar to Pepsi." The SMLP spokesman further explained, "When these two products are combined a reaction causes the formation of foam at a rapid rate. CO2 gas contained in the soft drink, in combination with the gelatin and gum arabic ingredients of the Mentos, all contribute to formation of the foam. This rapid creation of foam has been proven in small scale tests to be able to launch a two liter bottle more than a 30 meters into the air. The way I see it, we only need to scale this process up for the size, weight, and scope of a manned mission to the moon."

After Russia has come forward with details on this new rocket system, America's President Brack Obama has declared their plan a "triumph for the earth". He further stated, "This is the kind of GREEN ingenuity America can learn from countries like Russia." President Obama then vowed, "If this new rocket system is successful, America will follow in Russia's footsteps."

Many American scientists are skeptical of this new system, but none of them are more skeptical than Charles F. Bolden, Jr, NASA's director. Mr. Bolden only had one thing to say in response to this new program, "Tell the Russians that we have some weightless gel that when speared on the surface of space rockets, they float away into space without the need of propulsion." Mr. Bolden made this short statement as he rolled his eyes and laughed under his breath.

Jack Goff reporting from Moscow, Russia.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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