Street Cleaners Blamed For Effects Of So-Called 'Global Warming'

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Sunday, 2 October 2011

image for Street Cleaners Blamed For Effects Of So-Called 'Global Warming'
One day, this could be your house.

In a sensational outburst, local Conservative MP Harold Smedley-Martin-Lipps, told a public committee that the cause of rising sea levels was nothing at all to do with global warming, but could in fact be laid firmly at the feet of Britain's street cleaners.

The committee, gathered together to discuss possible environmental disaster preventative measures, listened as the MP stood and told the board that the recent 'guff' in the press about global warming was 'stuff and nonsense' and only given press-space to inflict 'fear and insecurity' in the minds of the weak.

He then added 'that's you,' pointing at everyone present.

The shocked listeners sat motionless, until one voice, that of a Mr Pemberton, meakly replied 'but they have evidence!'

At this point the riled MP began pacing wildly, and said "there is no such thing as global warming. The Earth is just as it's always been. Someday's it's hot, someday's it's cold. Nothing to it!"

"The real issue is the humble street cleaner! Not the one's with the little pointy-pick-up tool, no, they're OK, it's the others. The one's with the stiff brooms, and the one's with the big trucks with those spinny-brush things underneath. They're to blame!"

When asked to qualify his statement, Smedley-Martin-Lipps snapped "I'm getting to it..."

He then proceeded to tell the listeners "you see, for years these cleaners have been brushing and scraping, sucking and polishing our streets. Over time this has had an adverse affect on the various surfaces of our country. The water level is not rising, it's our land that is being polished away! We must act fast to stop these maniacs polishing us to dust, and sinking our great nation for good!"

He than attempted to to draw a diagram on a flip-chart, but the pen was a bit dry, so he gave up.

"This same cleaning process is happening the world over, in every country on every continent, and as this occurs the land level is slowly being worn away to nothing! No wonder the sea is taking over," he finished.

Scientific studies estimate that all land will be 'swept' away by 2018 if we don't put a stop to street cleaning.

"The alternative is slightly messy street's," said Smedley-Martin-Lipps, "but that is far preferable to the consequences of our overly-cleanly society today!"

The matter is to brought before a panel of government advisors, just before lunch, tomorrow.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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