Bloodyvostock - A $160 million Zenit-2SB rocket-powered Phobos-Grunt probe has been gobbled up by a 'massive mother******' just outside the Van Allen Belt distraught Russian space agency sources said today.
The huge UFO mothership is known to lurk on the dark side of the Moon and may have been stalking the latest Mars probe ever since successfully vaporising two previous Russian craft in 1988 as well as another unmanned probe in 1996.
This week first and second burn booster rockets flopped dismally sending the craft into an erratic orbit fuelled solely by solar battery power that's due to run out in 36 hours.
A spokesperson at Kazakhstan's Baikonur launch station said this morning that the unmanned three year Martian moon mission was suffering from 'warp drive phobia' as ground staff battled to reignite engines.
Hopes however are fading fast for salvaging the prestige space exploration mission designed to collect 'soiled samples' from the Martian satellite.
Meanwhile at NASA HQ in Nevada's Area 51 scientists have reported seeing an unusual bulge in the UFO suspected of swallowing the Russian craft.
"We think it's being assimilated into basic Russian structural construction components like potato starch, recycled plastic and budget-priced vodka," a station commander commented.
"Wanna see footage of the impact moment when those mighty UFO jaws opened shortly after the probe's take-off?"