BBC Gives Wuthering Heights Raunchy Radio Makeover - More To Come

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

image for BBC Gives Wuthering Heights Raunchy Radio Makeover - More To Come
"More? F*****g more?"

Fans of classic English literature are about to be assaulted by an expletive-filled version of Wuthering Heights.

The latest radio play version of Emily Bronte's romance will portray Cathy and Heathcliffe as they have never been heard before.

A BBC source said: "The play contains a number of strong expletives with both of them using the F-word."

And a Bronte expert agrees that the play might even be more like the original.

Andrew McCarthy, of the Bronte Parsonage Museum, at Haworth, quoted from an original cut 1847 version: "'I was told the curate should have his blank teeth shoved down his blank throat.'

"It doesn't take much imagination to fill in the blanks."

EIF News & Features has acquired some scripts for future classic radio adaptations.

When Elizabeth Bennett sees Mr Darcy in his wet shirt, a new Pride & Prejudice script has her saying to herself: "F**k me! Uh-huh! Take me tiger - ooh, baby, take me now. F*****g hell - just look at that!"

And Mrs Bennett's frequent howling is frequently met with a whispered "Oh shut the f**k up woman, will you? For f**k's sake!" from her beleaguered husband.

Then there's the new adaptation of Dickens's A Christmas Carol, scheduled to be aired this year.

It begins: "Marley was dead. Dead as f*****g doornail, all right?"

In fact, the new version is liberally sprinkled with such language as the writer has attempted to come to grips with the old City and East End.

Every request for charity from Scrooge is met with expressions like 'Get the f**k out of my face' or 'shove it up your f*****g a**e' while people tend to shout 'c**t' at Scrooge when he's out and about.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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