Bertie Wooster and Jeeves are in 'spiffing' form as they bash Jaggedone's 'lugholes' once again!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Monday, 20 September 2021

image for Bertie Wooster and Jeeves are in 'spiffing' form as they bash Jaggedone's 'lugholes' once again!
She was never infamous enough to appear in Bertie's and Jeeve's Imperial chats, she was foolish enough though!

05.00 AM somewhere in Jaggedone's balding bonce as he tosses (now, now, not that form of tossing!) and turns attempting to ignore the higher echelons of Brit aristocracy, but to no avail!

"Now Jeeves old Bean, I heard that scoundrel, Johnson, wants to reintroduce Imperial weights and measures! By golly Jeeves, we can get our chest filled with ancient 2 shillings and sixpence coins out of the catacombs and blast them all over Harrods, that will be a bender indeed, rather spiffing don't you think?"

"Sire, I believe Harrods have a stuffed elephant for sale, that would certainly enhance our hallway, especially with that portrait of Queen Lizzy hanging there too."

"By golly Jeeves, what a dashing idea, now go down to the catacomb and find that Imperial treasure chest old Uncle Friedrich left after pinching it from under old Adolf's moustache!"

"Sire, sorry to correct you, but that was Mosley, not the real thing, but I do believe old Chamberlain offered Adolf some imperial coins before he invaded Poland!"

"Jeeves, what an utter bounder you are, yes I remember it as clear as a London Pea Soup, do you remember them too?"

"Sire, sorry once again, but I never entered such debauched areas of Londinium, but I do believe one of our kings often wandered among the taverns in the area looking for a bit of 'rough fluff'!"

"Jeeves, you are such an encyclopaedia of royal 'dirty, dastardly, doings' did you mean that Ripper Chap?"

"Let's blame it on that Polish scoundrel Sire, after all Lizzy has got enough on her plate making sure old Andy doesn't get flung into Pentonville, or San Quentin!"

"Balderdash Jeeves, we aristocrats are above the law, especially in the USA, and those awful speaking Yankees will never put one of ours into San Quentin, or Alcatraz. By the way, did we not teach them how to correctly speak Imperial English?"

"Sire, I am afraid not, by the way, Alcatraz is no longer a prison, that Mafia cad turned it into a gambling casino, anyway, I'll just pop downstairs and make sure that Imperial chest is still there filled with those ancient coins, maybe there are some sixpences and threepence pieces in there too, how exciting. That Johnson bounder is surely causing Edward Heath and Maggie to turn in their graves!"

"Jeeves, old Bean, by golly, whatever happened to good old conservatism, but there should be enough to purchase that stuffed elephant, does old Johnson look like a stuffed elephant?"

"Sire, he resembles a posh toff dressed in a worn-out Saville Row suit, and they say an elephant has more brainpower, even a stuffed one, but who really cares as long as British Aristocracy still rules the nation. Shame old Victoria is not alive, she would give him a jolly good shaking down!"

"Is he really that bad Jeeves? Our Winston was quite a rascal, but at least he poked his fingers up at Adolf!"

"Sire, I think we'll leave old Jaggedone in his bunker now before he goes completely insane, bye, bye, for now, tiddly poo!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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