Lipstick sales plummet as ageing rock star, Robert Smith of The Cure, admits he's just too old!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 10 December 2020

image for Lipstick sales plummet as ageing rock star, Robert Smith of The Cure, admits he's just too old!
Cosmetic Industry's only hope of boosting lipstick sales after Robert Smith retires is The Joker!

(NOT EDITED) Rocky Horror and Glam Rock were dead many years ago. Bands like The Sweet, Alice Cooper (Glam??), Marc Bolan and his T Rex, Kiss, Mud, Bowie and Ziggy, plus many more, have been buried into rock history, and lipstick sales plummeted.

In the early 70's, boys wanting to be girls, and girls wanting to be boys, all wore lipstick, then punk arrived and kicked the shit out of glam rock. However, their era did not last long and lipstick / makeup sales rocketed once again when Roxy Music,The Cure, Depeche Mode, Spandau Ballet, Wham, Human League, Duran Duran, Cockney Rebel, plus others, ruled the pop world.

Even mega hard rock bands used lipstick to enhance their 'macho' image; Rolling Stones, New York Dolls, Motley Crue, etc, etc. Boys went crazy, followed their rock heroes and lipstick sales rocketed once again! Girls just whipped their knickers off in ecstasy!

Then Boy George appeared in a timely boost for the cosmetic world. His global followers, boys and girls, just went crazy and bought lipstick with impunity. Mums and dads who used to wear lipstick in the Rocky Horror, Lou Reed, glam rock era, hypocritically thought their kids were a bunch of transgenders, but they soon grew out of it when approaching the ripe old age of 21!

In today's world lipstick sales are dropping like flies in winter. The cosmetic industry blame the Corona pandemic because everybody's fucking miserable. However, the truth is, Robert Smith of The Cure, the last of the great glam-rockers, told the planet:

"Guys and girls whatever you are, I'm just too old to put this shit on every day, I'm fat, ugly, my hair's falling out, my lipstick smudges every time I kiss the missus, and she thinks I'm just an ageing poof!"

After this announcement from a glam rock icon, global lipstick sales plummeted once again because there aren't many rock stars around who want to show off their female side, Ed Sheeran certainly doesn't!

Boy George was offered a couple of £K by Dior in a last-ditch attempt to boost sales of their lipstick and makeup. He posed around Piccadilly Circus and the only thing interested him was a passing pigeon who shat on his bald head!

Boys will always want to be girls and girls boys, so let us all hope for the sake the cosmetic industry Bowie is reincarnated very soon, and Robert Smith has plastic surgery, otherwise boys and girls will just have to be what they were born to be!

Or, maybe Dior and Co can convince young kids to love The Joker!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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