Ten Things To Do While Sheltering-in-Place

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 3 May 2020

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Many families have discovered new and interesting ways to spend their time as they shelter-in-place.


1. Learn how to play an unusual instrument (like the accordion, the glockenspiel, or the vuvuzela).

2. Tell your kids that you are all going to learn a second language (Mandarin Chinese, Mescalero Apache, and Eskimonian are three possible choices).

3. For those who have pets, teach your pet to do somersaults (this will require lots of practice and patience, but it will be worth it).

4. Think up some new tasty food combinations, like avocado ice cream, sushi jello, or M&M soup.

5. Tell grandma and grandpa to tell you about the good old days (you can set a 45-minute time limit on this one).

6. To anyone who is a construction worker, now would be the perfect time to build that basement you’ve always wanted.

7. Get totally nude and count each other's freckles (for married couples or adult couples only).

8. Watch CNN or Fox News and count the times that you hear the phrases ‘self-isolation’ and ‘self-distancing’ in a ten-minute period.

9. Ask Alexa all kinds of unusual animal or fish questions, like how the heck do porcupines mate without screaming like hell from the pain? Or why do salmon have to swim up stream to mate, and can’t they do it where they’re at?

10. And finally (for adult couples only) now would be a great time to increase your monthly horizontal hokey pokey number.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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