Anti-Vivisection Society Demands Saudi Arabia Reassemble Khashoggi

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 31 January 2020

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From Lamps R Us To You

BILLINGSGATE POST: If there was a bounce to Hannibal Lecter’s step last year as he exited the Saudi Arabia Embassy in Istanbul with a new lampshade in his arms, was it because he was light in his loafers, or was it just because he was satisfied with a job well done?

Dr. Lecter views life differently than common folk. He was once quoted after a routine dismemberment as saying; “Sometimes a man is worth less than the sum of his parts.” This, in itself, might explain why he was more invested in his new lampshade than say, a hand or toe.

Historically, anti-vivisection advocates have been more interested in the whole versus the part. Made up of feminists who were involved in the suffragette movement in England (and later the United States), its members were opposed to vivisection on moral grounds. They saw it as a crime against God's creatures.

In general, the only animal safe from vivisection in Saudi Arabia is the common pig (porcus). Apparently, all others are fair game, including those who use forks, knives and saws (Homo sapiens).

Is it the Marmaduke Factor or the Quasimodo Effect that governs the disposition of body parts? Only Rip Engle* knows the answer to this.

Mr. Khashoggi, unfortunately, fell victim to rabid vivisectionists who found it impractical to reassemble his various body parts after Dr. Lecter surreptitiously exited the embassy that fateful day; one that will live in infamy’s basement.

Slim: “All the King’s horses and all the King’s men, couldn’t put Khashoggi together again.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Humpty Dumpty at least had a chance.”

* Rip Engle was head football coach at Penn State from 1950 to 1966.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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