Man's Favorite French Word Is 'Oiseaux'

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 31 October 2019

image for Man's Favorite French Word Is 'Oiseaux'
These oafs will produce deux oiseaux bientot

French, as many people will tell you, is a Romance language, and, indeed, when spoken by those from France, has a rather romantic sound to it, but one man who is not from la belle pays has revealed that his favorite word in French is 'oiseaux'.

That man is me. C'est moi.

'Oiseaux' (pronounced 'wa-zoh') means 'birds', and is a lovely, soft-sounding word. It's identical to the singular form, 'oiseau' (bird).

Another word the man likes is 'poisson', (pwa-sonn), meaning 'fish'. What he particularly likes about this word, is that the 'n' is very-nearly not pronounced at all, almost as if the speaker, with typical Frenchness simply couldn't be bothered!

Several other words have appealed to the man. Quelqu'un (kel-kun), meaning 'someone', is similar to poisson with regard to the final 'n', and 'passé' also sounds nice.

Indeed, says the man, any French word ending with the 'é' vowel sound tends to sound good, if a little effeminate.

'Beau' (bo), 'belle' (bell), and 'bon' (bon with a poisson 'n') are also popular with him, as are 'stylo' (rhymes with 'kilo'), meaning 'pen', and 'charcutier' (shah-coot-iyey), meaning 'baker'.

One small anomaly, however, that the man is not keen on, is the way numbers are constructed in the 80-99 range. Instead of being sensible, as in English, by indicating how many 'units of ten' there are in a number (60 = 6 tens, 70 = 7 tens), the French start gabbling on about how many 'units of twenty' there are. Therefore, we arrive at the ridiculous situation where:

80 = quatre-vingt (four twenties), and
87 = quatre-vingt-sept (four twenties seven)

The nineties are positively ludicrous. Instead of 'neufante' (90), we have the 'situation bizarre' where:

90 = quatre-vingt-dix (four twenties ten), and
98 = quatre-vingt-dix-huit (four twenties eighteen), or, more literally 'four twenties ten eight, if I may beg your pardon!

How ridiculous!

Ah, well. C'est la vie!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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