Opinion: If Vehicular Manslaughter is wrong I don’t wanna be right

Funny story written by Templeton T. Rat

Wednesday, 9 January 2019

This piece is an opinion piece and doesn’t represent the views of The Spoof

Let me ask this question, when did our country become such a puritanical society that the very idea of vehicular manslaughter is now frowned upon across the political aisle?

Can’t we all agree there’s no better feeling than seeing some poor soul jaywalking across the road as you drive to work and just white knuckling your wheel as you press the pedal and close your eyes and let the pleasure fill your loins as your car slams into their soft tender flesh. This was once considered American dogma but sadly has been lost somewhere along the way.

Why should our children not have the orgasmic feeling of your tires crushing a mans (or woman’s, I’m inclusive) bones under the tires of their brand new C class. My God I’m flushed just thinking about it.

Maybe I’m old fashioned but I feel the world would be a better place with a little something I call...freedom.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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