Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Thursday, 20 December 2018

image for Wile E Mueller To Be Indicted For Collusion With ACME Corp

BILLINGSGATE POST: The quietness of the Sonoran Desert was broken by the muffled silence of mice nibbling on cream cheese. Even though their teeth had been capped with rubber tips, sounds of rodent mastication bounced off canyon walls like thunder.

Although the Armadillos indigenous to this hostile environment had been unarmed by dissident anti-arm vigilantes, there was no peace in the desert. The Zonie locals who frequent saloons of low caliber call these emasculated reptiles, “Dillos.” A fitting sobriquet, no doubt. Some historians invidiously compare the eerie hysteria that prevails in the desert as reminiscent of the calm that punctuated England as Neville Chamberlain capitulated to Hitler. While German tanks were overrunning Poland, prayers for peace provided little solace and even less defense.

Likewise, the extended arms of the Saguaro cacti were lifted, as if calling upon the Almighty for mercy. Alas, there was none to be had. The scorched remains of the MARK 4 DOUBLE AXEL ANVIL, built exclusively by the ACME Corporation, still smoldered as it dangled from the main fuselage of the once stately cacti. This virtual obsequious gesture meant nothing to the blood thirsty vultures fluttering like giant butterflies above the battlefield detritus. They scornfully manifested their disdain for the technological advances that ACME advertised but couldn't produce, splattering foul vulture shit on the remnants of an operation gone South.

This was to be the anvil to end all anvils. Titanium inserts to increase the gravity coefficient were inserted into the face of the steel weapon. Wile E Mueller, frustrated by countless unsuccessful attempts to decapitate the Trump Runner, now was actively colluding with ACME. Trusting that by doubling the gravity coefficient, it would allow for any evasive target adjustment by the Trump Runner to be anticipated.

Viola! The anvil could make appropriate declination adjustments just prior to impact.

Effect: The destruction of the Trump Runner.

With the ACME Corp implementing this stationary reflex countermeasure as part of their new anvil package, the trail leading to collusion between ACME and Wile E Mueller has been established. The subsequent indictment of Mueller is imminent.

NOTE: Allowing for possible anti-countermeasures by the Trump Runner, the anvil was also programmed to sing lullabies to lull said target into a state of “quiet acquiescence.” Very Nasty, but even more evidence of how far Wile E will go to get the Trump Runner.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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