Double Trouble

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Thursday, 30 August 2018


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Water, water, everywhere.......

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

That was several years ago. They haven’t been seen since.

Okay, okay, strictly speaking, the twins didn’t go to “fetch a pail of water.” It didn’t happen exactly like the nursery rhyme. But they DID go up a hill and were never seen coming down. That’s a definite. And water played a big, big part in the story of the two missing seventh graders.

Searchers in the small Michigan town were flummoxed. There were no leads to the disappearance. The original search focused on child sex offenders in the area, but this proved to be a dead end.

No signs of a struggle. Creepy. It was as if “the hill” had silently and efficiently swallowed up the two kids. Great material for horror writers. Just plain old horror for everyone else.Things soon reached higher levels of creepiness

First it was discovered that Jack and Jill had been living, with no parental supervision, in a dilapidated, abandoned house on the outskirts of town. The next surprise was that the twins were NOT the 12-year-olds they claimed to be. They were 19-year-olds who were very small for their age and looked younger.

They say good things come in small packages. Maybe not in this case though.

What the twins lacked in physical size apparently they made up for in brain power. Research revealed that both Jack and Jill were child prodigies with an advanced education in science (concentration in chemistry) that they had received from an overseas university. The mystery deepened.

What had the twins been up to? Investigators studied how the missing pair had been spending time before the disappearance. Not easy, since they had few friends, and their classmates knew little about them. At school they were quite interested in technology, but there was no computer in their home. Jack and Jill each had an iPhone though, so they did have Internet access. It was also discovered that the twins often used computers at the local library.

After many legal maneuvers (privacy protections are strong these days!), the detectives were able to access info about the Internet searches performed by the twins. Many of the searches revolved around water contamination, lead poisoning, ancient water pipes, chemicals for water treatment, etc. Uh-oh.

Further examination of Jack and Jill’s home led to a most interesting finding. A map of a neighboring city — a map stuck between the cushions of an old couch in the basement. It looked like the map had become lodged there and then forgotten about.

Other than being a clue as to where the twins might possibly be found, the map seemed relatively unimportant at first. But that changed. It grew in significance when the city in the map became quite famous — more accurately infamous — due to water contamination issues which arose shortly after the unexplained disappearance of Jack and Jill.

The map, you see, was of the city of Flint, Michigan..............

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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