Saturday, 21 October 2017

Deep in the bowel of the stately building that houses the United States Congress lies the little-known CBR -- the Congressional Ball Repository. (The CBR is, in fact, actually located below the bowel.)

The balls of incumbent Senators and Representatives are stored in a small, dusty, and damp concrete chamber where they roll around on rough pine shelves and wither and dry out over time. The longer a member of the Congress serves, the greater the chance their balls may be lost entirely to dessication, or even roll onto the floor and get stepped on and crushed.

Party leadership keeps the keys to the CBR lest a member go rogue and stand up against the leadership as a matter of conscience or principle. This may actually be the cause of the present gridlock in the Congress.

Recently, senator John McCain, facing brain cancer, decided he needed his balls. He picked the lock of the CBR, recovered his balls, and actually spoke out on the Senate floor for regular rules and order. Senators Jeff Flake and Tom Cotton seem to have done the same, much to the consternation of Keeper of the Key Mitch McConnell.

It should be noted that the balls of female Senators and Representatives are metaphorical and thus not reposited under the control of party leadership. Might it then seem beneficial to the nation to elect more women to office, if they do not have to relinquish control over their own balls?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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