Pivot This!

Written by Michael Balton

Monday, 9 May 2016

image for Pivot This!
How's this for a pivot? Elvis fights in the war on drugs.

Washington, DC - - The idea of handing over the keys to the country to a citizen president is not the only historical nugget to be mined from the 2016 presidential elections.

The participating pundits and political hacks involved also developed a new way to manipulate the electorate while minimizing their use of the truth.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the pivot.

An, yes. You do recall the term being bandied about by a growing chorus of prognosticators and politicians alike. They use it like a protective shield to avoid being caught in a mispeak when the etched in stone turns out to be a chisel. And the sacred pledge turns out to be a lie.

So for instance, when Donald Trump first says he's not going to raise taxes on the middle-class, and then he says he's going to raise taxes on the middle class, a pivot is declared.

"Trump is merely pivoting between two financial replenishment options," a Trump spokesman might say.

It makes it sound like he actually knows what he's doing as opposed to making it up as he goes along.

House Speaker Paul Ryan used the pivot as a political Time Machine. Pivoting ever so slowly while Trump burned, Ryan never did provide the Donald with as much as a cookie and a kind word..

Of course the father of the pivot wasn't a politician at all. Chubby Checker invented a dance that originally was called The Pivot. But they changed the name. So this story ends with a Twist.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more