Written by Philip J. Moss

Wednesday, 16 March 2016

image for Dear Vlad

Dear Vlad,

Thank you very much for your letter. I wish my Russian was as good as your English! You're doing a terrific job over there, making Russia huge again. A piece of Ukraine here, a piece there. By the way, nice job in Syria!

Thanks also for the advice, and let me return the favor. There's no reason why you should let sanctions and low oil prices deflate your country's economy. If I were in your shoes, I would simply declare bankruptcy, and cancel all your foreign debts. If Germany or France tries to take you to court, you know what to do. I'm sure there are some Russians living in Germany and France who need your protection.

Also, think about licensing your name. The Russian name, I mean. President Assad would go for it. I could sell Kim Jong Il on it, I'm sure.

In fact, why don't I come over there and do some negotiating for you. I'm just about done campaigning here. Rubio is out, no one can stand Cruz, and Kasich has about as much chance as a fart in a hurricane. So, with seven plus months to go I'll have some time to spare. I could come over there and negotiate with the European Union for you. Or I could negotiate with Obama for you.

Happy to help. Let me know.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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