Man The Barricades

Funny story written by Philip J. Moss

Saturday, 28 November 2015

[According to the website of the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, the U.S. firearm homicide rate is 20 times higher than the combined rates of 22 countries that have similar wealth and population.]

Quick - there's not a minute to lose! Prompt action to keep out those foreigners is the only thing that will save us! They're coming from some lawless place that is wracked with violence, where gunfire is heard every day and into the night, and fear stalks the population. Every hour in that country, almost seven people are shot and three of them killed by a gun.

Our nation must close the border at once. The foreigners will try to evade detection, and are skilled at blending in with the local population, but they cannot be trusted to follow the peace-loving ways of our own people, and so every citizen must remain vigilant. They may try to sneak across the border in North Dakota, or Maine, Idaho or Illinois. They may take a boat across Lake Erie.

Who knows how many of them are already here, hiding in plain sight, pretending to mimic our accent and to like our food. But deep in their hearts, they secretly crave to get their hands on a gun, especially a high caliber gun with a large capacity magazine. Oh, they're clever in rationalizing this desire. They'll claim that their nation and their faith is under attack, that their government cannot be trusted, that their entire way of life is being threatened.

They are deserving of our pity, for they are in the steely grip of ruthless politicians who exploit their ignorance and fears in order to cling to power. Yes, my friends, the Americans are to be pitied, but we Canadians must keep them out, or else our way of life also will be threatened.

Copyright 2015 - Philip J. Moss - all rights reserved.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more