Despite proof revealed by Edward Snowdon, government officials disavow any knowledge of these classified systems. So why should they care if the confidential information is disclosed here for all to see?
THE TIME MACHINE
If you ever wondered why earth still exists instead of being vaporized to smithereens in a thermonuclear holocaust, it's because Armageddon really did happen but we went back and stopped apocalypse just in the nick of time, retroactively in the Time Machine
THE CLIMATE CONTROLLER
In an ill-conceived effort to ensure optimum weather conditions at the golf course, a group of rogue billionaires pooled their money that they stole from the piggy banks of crippled poor children.
They had more fun using it to thaw glaciers instead.
THE PARTICLE BRAKE
To win the War On Drugs this system was designed to reverse the progress made by the speed freaks that need to fuel their Particle Accelerators with meth.
To produce enough heroin to fuel the Particle Brake it was necessary to invade Afghanistan.