Written by Auntie Matter

Tuesday, 19 May 2015


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image for Science Unlocks the Mysteries of Sexual Attraction
The Mystery Decoded

Science proves what turns men on in women. It seems men check out women along the lines of reproductive fitness assessment. The five winning female traits are.

1. Wide Waist to Hips Ratio.

Tarzan thinks: those big hips could pop out a dozen versions of me in a dozen years. I could have my own soccer team.
2. A High Pitched Voice.
Tarzan thinks: I could make her squeal like a pig and all within earshot would think I was the best stud in the jungle.
3. Big Healthy Hair.
Tarzan thinks: I'll have hairy sons who will scare the shit out of anybody who comes near our tree house.;
4. Wearing Red.
Tarzan thinks: she's wearing blood and that frightens the hell out of me; and when I get frightened I get horny.
5. An IQ of 3 or less.
Tarzan thinks: she'll believe whatever crap I tell her and so we'll live happily ever after.

Of course, Tarzan is not actually aware of any of these. It all takes place unconsciously making Tarzan five times dumber than his mate and led to breed in much the same way as a mouse is led to cheese.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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