Scientists Discover How to "Turn a Woman On"

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Friday, 8 May 2015

image for Scientists Discover How to "Turn a Woman On"
Sex. Just a matter of Plucking the Right Strings.

This is actually for real, an article recently reported in

"Touch a woman's arm, give her a hug or make long eye contact with her if you want to increase your chances of turning her on. Show her your caring side, and prove that nice guys can sometimes finish first."

So were the latest findings of that august institution devoted to human happiness and freedom ... The Rockefeller University of New York.

Researchers genetically modified mice so that the neurons needed to receive oxytocin, a chemical used as part of our brains' reward mechanism, were switched off. Female mice thus modified showed no interest in males; highlighting the importance of the chemical in sexual arousal. Oxytocin, in humans, the scientists found, is believed to work in the same way as it does in mice, and is released when people touch, hug, or even when they experience prolonged eye contact.
By way of experiment you can thus lay down a piece of cheese and expect the dormant female to crawl on all fours in order to get it. You can train her to dance on tables, display her body to the public at beauty pageants, clean her room or wee outdoors. You can whip her occasionally to teach her who's boss. This too is known to excite chemicals in the brain. Booze can have a similar effect as well as numerous other drugs; and instilled fear can send neurotransmitters into a spin in the most rigid females. Sooner or later, she will stare out the window whimpering, waiting for you to come home with a bone, or a boner.

One woman's response, Lucie Simone, a Canadian artist had this to say: "Why don't you idiots get it through your monkey skulls that women are not pinball machines but human beings just like you? Why don't the dimwitted eggheads at the Rockefeller University go get a life; or at least use their brain power to find out who is controlling theirs and why? Who exactly stared into their eyes and for how long in order to turn them into the chauvinistic, deluded fuckwits they really are? You should at least have enough nous to acknowledge that you have no access to any part of women, neither eyes, arms or anything else visible or invisible unless they give you permission. Now, what part of that don't you get? Moreover, your mum is a woman, so show some fucking respect! Or, are you okay with your mother getting horny apparently if you touch her arm or stare into her eyes for more than three seconds!? Grow up!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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