The Election: Part One

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

The election is coming! Please don't misread the second word and call the police on us. This is our first in a number of interviews with leading political figures in the run up to the already predetermined election in May. We spoke to king weirdo himself. Ed Miliband.

We met Ed in a windowless room as the idea of seeing clouds seemed to distress him to the point where he would rock back and forward on his knees chewing his knuckles.

Hi Ed. You're running for election and....what are you doing?

I find it much more whizzo to sit like this while answering your Q's. It helps with all my mind power.

Ok. There's been a lot written about this election-

Lies! I have a cat.

What's that got to do with anything?

Stupid people laugh at cat videos on the internet and I have a cat. Stupid people will think I'm in charge of all the cat videos and will vote for me. It's fool proof.

We're not sure if-

Look no-one in government has got a grip on this Twitter Instagram like I have. I'm connected, reflected and ready to leave Cameron dejected.

Ed pulled a "gangster" pose and began playing with a Tamogotchi (does anybody remember them? Word on our computer doesn't as a red line appears under the word)

It's said you'll do a deal with the SNP if needed to prop up a minority government.

I'll prop you up in a minute!

Could you answer?

We all know girls have got cooties and with Sturgeon being from Scotland she'll have more than most. I like Nikki I do, I really like her but I couldn't hold hands with her the way Dave and Nick did, I'm not gay!

That's not really an-

I'm not gay!

Ed so far you have answered nothing, revealed nothing and generally made about as much of an impression on us as a lingering fart in the house of commons. Do you have anything to say?

Vote Red Ed in the election. Go on pretty please, my mum say's I'm really handsome.

With that he left on his Segway. We were unable to determine if the whole "weird" thing had being a act or if he truly was like that.

Either way we couldn't imagine any world leader wanting to sit next to him at dinner.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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