CIA HQ reporting from a dilapidated council flat in downtown Moss Side, Manchester - Newsflash: Smoking in cars to be banned in England!
CIA health reporter, Ciggy Tarlung-Woodbine, has sent this report from the back of a Ford Cortina with a smokey past parked up in Moss Side, a no-go-smoke-free-zone
The ministry of health has decided to ban smoking in cars in England from October 2015, they have also banned sex in the backseat whilst driving, blow jobs whilst hanging on to gear knobs, babies screaming, dogs barking and any other act that could distract a road-rage attacker from punching another driver's lights out!
This new law is also aimed at saving babies and children from inhaling their parent's putrid smoke instead of watching mum and dad do it on a parking area in front of Tesco's, smoking that is (You dirty-minded people)!
As for sex on the backseat whilst driving, the police are willing to be slightly more understanding as long as they can watch!
The smokers lobby are in uproar at the new law and promise to continue smoking in cars until it kills them even if it means leaving the kids at home; thank heavens for that!
We also wish to report that our health reporter, Ciggy Tarlung-Woodbine, RIP, has just choked to death attempting to stick a Stuyvesant in an orifice where the sun does not shine; wrong hole, right place!